i haven't felt this low for awhile
its about 3 in the morning
some tears are leaking
nothing special
im just day dreaming
about happiness
eternal glee
too bad
its far from reality
im just some emo kid
preaching my selfish depressive episodes.
all my mother knows about my depression is that i can't turn it on and off.
i am a bitch
i am a smart ass
i pretend to not give a shit
i care way to fucking much about you
and i wish i was good enough for you
i wish i was perfect for you
and im not referring to anyone in particular, just somebody someday
i confuse myself
i use this blog to rant, as you can see
but no one does see
only me
and im just sad
sad like the rest
but happy
forcefully happy when my friends are present.
i just feel completely numb
suicidal even,
but they say, your less suicidal when you are very depressed because depression makes you tired, and when your feeling better, you are more likely to attempt suicide. At least thats what i heard.
Once i was feeling suicidal, and to distract myself i looked up suicide on Google and looked at pictures of peoples' suicides. It disturbed me, but it also called to me. i can't stand seeing people hurt themselves intentionally, thats why i am a hypocrite. but i dont give a shit. i just put others before myself, im pretty sure even strangers.
i dont care if you think this doesn't make any sense. im not editing this.
This is my pure raw emotion, soak it in and feel the negativity radiating off this web page, then you'll be in my world.
This is how i am behind closed doors and when nobody's listening.
Nobody's ever listening.
I listen to you, because i want to love you.
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